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Nov 06

Confidence

Lesson – Confidence and Purpose

Robert Green – Confidence

There’s a great quote in the above video which was originally from ‘The 50th Law’ a book by Robert Greene. It reads as follows:

Understand: people will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself — your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably it has a political purpose — they want to keep you down. You are continually prone to believe these opinions, particularly if your self-image is fragile. In every moment of life you can defy and deny people this power. You do so by maintaining a sense of purpose, a high destiny you are fulfilling. From such a position, people’s attacks do not harm you; they only make you angry and more determined. The higher you raise this self-image, the fewer judgments and manipulations you will tolerate. This will translate into fewer obstacles in your path

Here is a definition of confidence that I came up with: ‘Faith and belief in yourself that is determined by the ratio of importance you place on your authentic desires compared to other peoples reactions.’ Therefore if you want more confidence do one of the following:
– Place more importance on your authentic desires (goals, dreams, passions)
– Place less importance on other peoples reactions
– Do both

That is it.

The secret of confidence

The following is a short essay I wrote on confidence, how you generate it and the implications.

Acceptance, confidence, esteem and power are all essentially the same thing, and it all comes down to the following question: who gets to determine your worth at any given time. If the answer is other people, then that is exactly what will happen and you are essentially giving away your ‘power’ and you will be constantly pleasing others for validation. But if the answer is you then you must ‘take the power back’ and your confidence will increase greatly. I recommend you choose the second option, you’ll thank me later.

To illustrate this point with an extreme example, it’s possible to be weird, abnormal, a loner, strange, different and constantly rejected and looked down upon by society and yet retain %100 power. It’s equally possible to be popular, fashionable and ‘well liked’, yet have less confidence than the first person. That’s because all of the things I mentioned are irrelevant to confidence, it’s really about where your source of ‘power’ is coming from. If it is from others, you will forever remain a slave to their validation of yourself, like a dog always looking for a bone and a pat on the head (for want of a better analogy). It is always a matter of choice where you decide your power is coming from, and it’s either yourself, other people or a combination of the two. It’s true that life experiences may make it easier or harder for some people, being bullied at school may temporarily affect your self esteem, but the damage can be reversed to as much a degree as you choose it to. So if confidence is something you greatly desire, consciously make it a goal in your life and begin to shift your ‘sources of power’ and over time you will see a difference in yourself, it’s not only possible or likely – it’s inevitable.

A person who ranks highly on sociopathic, psychopathic, narcissistic or machiavellian traits typically likes to control other people or put them down due to lack of empathy, a desire for power over others, or perhaps both. I consider myself to be the ‘anti-sociopath’, because I want other people to be free, independant and self empowered, so I happily and willingly share what I have learnt about the ‘secret to of confidence’. I am not saying you should never listen to other people, or become entirely selfish, but rather where the topic of esteem is concerned, it is the better choice to make it something you generate and determine yourself. The following is a list of benefits of becoming more confident; resillient to bullying, better at handling criticism, higher peer pressure tolerance, long term happiness, cannot be swayed from goals and dreams, become better at attraction, deincentivise dark triad of traits, less toxic conformity, less regrets, more fuel for courage, less mental health problems, better leadership skills e.t.c

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